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Achieving more frequent and intense female orgasm can be a rewarding and deeply personal journey. If you’re looking to come so hard, read on.
In this guide, we will delve into practical approaches and strategies to help individuals on their path to experiencing the female orgasm.
Many women will experience difficulty reaching orgasm from time to time. And for some, sexual climax remains frustratingly elusive. We look at the common issues that can hinder orgasm and find out how women can improve their chances of getting there.
Sexual satisfaction is a key aspect of physical and emotional well-being, yet far fewer women than men report reaching orgasm regularly. Research by the Kinsey Institute shows that while gay and straight men climax in 85% of their sexual encounters, women having sex with women orgasm about 75% of the time. And for women having sex with men, the figure is just 63%. Women are more likely to orgasm through masturbation when alone, than with a partner.
Building an emotional connection with your partner can significantly enhance the orgasmic experience. Feeling safe, loved, and connected can amplify the intensity of pleasure during sexual encounters.
Often though, difficulty reaching orgasm may have a psychological element. Sexual intimacy requires a degree of vulnerability and emotional risk which can sometimes block our ability to climax - we may not even be consciously aware of these feelings. Broader worries, depression, anxiety, fatigue and excessive alcohol consumption can also have an impact.
How women perceive the sexual experience psychologically and emotionally can be just as important as what they are experiencing physically. Often inability to orgasm can be due to a change in circumstance, feeling vulnerable and not feeling able to let go - for example, when things change in a relationship, or on meeting a new partner.
In our pornified culture, women often feel under pressure to perform. Women who can't stop thinking about how they 'have' to have an orgasm may experience performance anxiety and find it very difficult to reach that elusive goal. Others may have issues in their lives or in their pasts that have caused emotional distress to become associated with sex on some level, perhaps unconsciously.
The foundation of achieving the female orgasm begins with self-exploration. It's essential to become familiar with your own body, as every person's responses are unique. Take time to explore your erogenous zones, including the clitoris, G-spot, and other areas that bring you pleasure. Understanding what feels good is crucial.
Experiment with sex toys, use a pH-balanced, organic lubricant, and discover what stimulates your mind as well as your body, whether it's erotic fiction, female-friendly porn, or exploring your own fantasies. Break out of the orgasm rut and try a different technique if what used to work for you no longer gets you there.
Adding sex toys to the mix can help, provided that these are designed with women's bodies and excitement in mind," says Spelman. "It's time to refocus sex away from the simplicity of penis-in-vagina sex and to look at the many other exciting possibilities that there are.
Effective communication with your partner is key. Express your desires, boundaries, and preferences openly and honestly. A trusting and respectful dialogue can enhance the emotional connection and create an environment conducive to achieving orgasm.
The best way to talk about intimate matters and what we want in bed is to be positive, focus on positive reinforcement: 'It felt good when you did X, perhaps we could try more of that,' or 'I would love to feel your hands on me here, can we try …'"
It can be useful to show rather than tell - move your partner’s hand against your clitoral area and/or use a vibrator to demonstrate what works for you. If you suspect the 'block' is less about technique and more emotive, discuss it in a non-sexual context rather than in the heat of passion.
Creating a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere is essential. Stress and anxiety can inhibit the ability to reach climax. Consider relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or a warm bath to set the stage for a more enjoyable experience.
Many individuals find that clitoral stimulation is a reliable pathway to orgasm. Experiment with different types of touch, pressure, and rhythm to discover what works best for you. Devices designed for clitoral stimulation, such as vibrators, can also be helpful.
Positions involving the woman on top give her greater control over her body and more freedom to choose how to move. Using a small 'bullet' vibrator on the clitoris during intercourse may also boost your chances if your sexual position is not offering enough direct stimulation.
The clitoris is “the powerhouse of the orgasm” for people with vaginas, and for good reason—it’s packed with nerve endings that respond hugely to touch and attention, meaning that they can help you unlock the orgasm of your wildest dreams. Think of the clitoris as the kindling in the campfire that gets the blaze going. Many people with vaginas need direct clitoral stimulation to come, whether that’s during foreplay or as you do other things too. Whatever it is that you like, make sure either you or your partner incorporates that technique before or during sex. You can have your partner play with your clit while they’re penetrating you with a penis or toy, go long on oral sex, or use a clitoral vibrator as you go—more on this in a bit.
Exploring the G-spot can lead to intense orgasms for some individuals. It's located on the front wall of the vagina, and stimulating it may require a "come-hither" motion with fingers or specialized toys. Take your time to explore this area. The G-spot is a region of spongy tissue inside your body along the front vaginal wall, and paying attention to it can feel really good for some people. The easiest way to tap into that pleasure is by inserting your index finger (or having a partner insert theirs) a few inches into your vagina, and curling that finger in a come-hither motion toward the front wall of the vagina, a.k.a. under your belly button.
Combining clitoral stimulation with G-spot stimulation can give you the feeling of a blended orgasm. Combined vaginal and clitoral orgasm, since the G-spot is close to the internal parts of your clit. You might need to experiment a little to get there, but if you're intrigued, remember that practice often makes perfect.
Whether you’ve wondered about anal but never actually given it a shot, or you’re a seasoned practitioner of the backdoor arts, bringing your booty into the sexual mix can offer you sensations that make an orgasm feel all the more intense when you get there.
If you’re not ready for full-on penetrative sex, you can still enjoy the sensations that come with external play, and if you do want to do the full butt monty, here’s a guide to preparing yourself for anal sex.
For maximum pleasure, bring the pointers above about making your clit feel great into the mix as you love up your butt—the combined types of stimulation can send you over the moon as you come. Whatever you do, anal lube is your best friend—and an essential part of any sexual activity involving your butt.
No matter what parts of your body you’re loving up, lube will make that feel even better than it already does. SELF has a great guide to incorporating lube into sex acts of all stripes, and choosing the right type of lubricant for you will cut down on uncomfortable friction or dryness and maximize the incredible-feeling aspects of whatever kind of action you’re getting, especially during vaginal penetration, anal sex, manual play, and hookups that include sex toys. A big thing to note here: When it comes to slipperiness, more is more, meaning that you should reapply often for the best results, a.k.a. the most swoon-inducing stimulation, and, eventually, the strongest orgasm.
This technique involves deliberately pausing as you edge towards orgasm, then continuing stimulation. The emphasis is on building pleasure and staying with the sensations, rather than focusing on the end result. You might pause for seconds, minutes, or even continue stimulation at intervals throughout the day. Orgasm may then be easier to reach as the intensity builds over time.
Edging is a term for delaying an orgasm when you’re really close. For instance: Maybe you’re on the brink when someone’s eating you out and you ask them to focus on your labia or vulva instead of your clit, or you slow down right when a certain position is about to bring you over the edge.
Delaying the big moment right when you’re going to come, then finally giving in only when it’s not an option to wait any longer, can make your orgasm feel absolutely blackout-inducing in the very best of ways. If you’re used to rushing toward the finish line, you might find that this technique offers you a way of getting there that’s slower but can be so much more satisfying of a sexual experience throughout, including at the end.
Fantasies can help you forget the stressors of day-to-day life, feel less inhibited, and zero in on what gets you hot, whether you’re alone or with another person. Don’t underestimate the power of mental arousal. If you're not sure what gets you going or your existing spank bank feels a little stale, give something new a shot! For instance, if you’re used to watching porn videos. Once you feel connected to the scenarios that especially turn you on, you can bring them into your masturbation routine, draw on them during hookups, and, as you’re getting down in any capacity, call them to mind to make whatever you’re doing even hotter.
Achieving the female orgasm may take time and practice. Don't be discouraged by any initial challenges. Focus on the journey of self-discovery and enjoy the process. Practice and patience are essential elements of sexual satisfaction.
Maintaining good sexual health is crucial for overall well-being. Regular check-ups at LGBTQIA+ friendly clinics like PULSE Clinic can ensure that any underlying health issues are addressed, contributing to a healthier and more fulfilling sex life.
The female orgasm is a complex and deeply personal experience. Achieving it involves a combination of self-exploration, effective communication, relaxation, and a willingness to embrace the journey. Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and what works for one person may not work for another. By understanding your own body, fostering emotional connections, and seeking professional guidance when necessary, you can embark on a fulfilling and satisfying path towards achieving the female orgasm.