Penis 101 - Size Matters

Does size matter?

According to Seth Stephens-Davidowitz in his book Everybody Lies, “Men conduct more [Google] searches for how to make their penis bigger than how to tune a guitar, make an omelet, or change a tire.” Many people assume that bigger-is-better, causing men a significant amount of anxiety about penis size,preventing the sexual satisfaction they might otherwise experience!

However, despite what you may have heard, size really doesn’t matter. In a study¹ of 26,437 heterosexual women, 85% of the respondents reported being satisfied with their partner's penis size, 14% wanted their partner to be larger and 2% wanted their partner to be smaller. There are many possible reasons for this, not least of all the fact that penis length doesn’t have much to do with a woman’s pleasure. For many women, the clitoris plays a primary role in orgasm-ability, as does the area around and just inside the vaginal opening, which is full of nerve endings. As a result, grinding during intercourse and other types of external stimulation (like manual or oral pleasure) are generally, just as (if not more) satisfying than deep penetration. Women who enjoy G-spot stimulation also benefit from more shallow stimulation. In fact, despite a bigger-is-better attitude, partners of men with especially large penises may find that sex is uncomfortable, whether vaginal intercourse, oral sex or anal sex, for same and other-sex partners alike.

Ultimately, great sex is a function of intimacy, the connection between two partners and the many other intangibles that make sex meaningful. We all need to work with what we have, and men of all shapes and sizes can do plenty to learn to satisfy and pleasure their partner.

TL;DR: a large penis isn't always an advantage during sex.

Is my penis normal?

When talking about penis size, there are generally two meaningful dimensions. The first is penis length, the measurement from the base of a man's penis (usually close to where his pubic hair begins) to the tip (where the urethra opens at the end of the glans). The second dimension is girth, which is the distance around a man's penis (i.e., the circumference), usually measured at the middle of a man's penile shaft.

The average length of a non-erect penis is three to four inches. Once erect, the average size of an erect penis is five to seven inches in length and four to six inches in girth, and 85% of men fall within this range. Unfortunately, many men compare themselves to other men when they're in the locker room or elsewhere, when the truth is that most men end up a similar size once erect, supporting the idea that some men are “showers,” meaning they are larger when flaccid, and some men are “growers,” meaning they are smaller when flaccid but increase in size more once erect.

Of course, a man's erect penis may range in length from less than two inches to 16 or more inches. However, few men are at these extremes; the majority of men fall in the typical range.

The size of a man's penis is mostly determined by genetic factors and there isn't much he can do to increase its size.

What can I do if I’m on the smaller side?

Friction is an important part of what makes intercourse enjoyable for couples, by simultaneously stimulating the genitals (or anus) of both partners. Sometimes, couples desire more friction during intercourse to increase sensation and improve orgasm ability. Other times, men experience drop-out issues during intercourse because of a change in erectile function or a mismatched fit with a partner. The good news is that it's easy to improve snugness during intercourse and boost both partners' sexual satisfaction.

Female partners can use their pelvic floor muscles to squeeze around the penis during intercourse, which will add friction for both partners and is likely to additionally boost her arousal, by increasing blood flow to the area. A woman should make the same movement she does during Kegel exercises, which can be either quick pulses or longer contractions.

Certain intercourse positions encourage a better penile-vaginal fit, too, especially those that encourage grinding over thrusting. Couples can try the CAT and Woman-on-Top to experiment with what feels good.

Men who think they are lacking in girth also can focus on G-spot stimulation by trying positions that encourage it.

Does penis enlargement work?

Today, you can't open your email inbox or turn on the television without hearing about some sexual enhancement product for men. And while these ads promise the world, no product has been scientifically proven to safely and permanently increase penis size, whether herbal remedy, topical gel or weight-bearing exercise. Surgical procedures to increase the length or girth of the penis are extremely risky and associated with the development of scar tissue, which can lead to painful erections, shorter erections or erectile dysfunction.

Other strategies for increasing the appearance of the penis’ size include losing weight, since excess abdominal fat can obscure the penis and trimming pubic hair. Some men turn to penis pumps or cock rings to boost erectile function or to temporarily feel like they have a larger penis, by drawing and keeping more blood into the penis. Both must be used with care, but they can help some men feel like they have a fuller erection. However, too much pressure from a penis pump can cause lasting tissue and vascular damage and a cock ring should never be left on for more than 20 minutes and should be removed if there is any discomfort or bruising.

Most men end up with erections of about five to six inches in length. Men who are smaller when flaccid may grow in size more than men who are larger, which means that most men are a similar size when erect. And as much as penis size varies among men, the possibilities for techniques and pleasurable ways of stimulating each other vary even more, and are more so under a man's control to further enhance intimacy with a partner.

¹Lever, Janet & Frederick, David & Peplau, Letitia. (2006). Does Size Matter? Men's and Women's Views on Penis Size Across the Lifespan.. Psychology of Men & Masculinity.