What is it and why should I explore it?

In popular culture, there appears to be an increasing acceptance of and curiosity toward butt play. Whether you call it bottoming, pegging, or simply butt stuff, those who have a prostate, otherwise known as the “P-spot” or male G-spot, and it’s worth exploring. If you already have-you know exactly why. But for the butt-curious, read on to find out more.

What is the P-spot and how do I find it?

The prostate is a small muscular gland that produces the seminal fluid in ejaculate and also helps propel semen when you climax. It’s walnut-shaped, located just below the bladder, and about 6–8 cm inside your rectum, towards your dick away from your tailbone. It’s present in people assigned male at birth and is surrounded by nerve endings. Thankfully, most toys, strap-ons, and dicks are already angled for direct access, so it shouldn’t be hard to find.

It’s important to experiment with different angles, heights, and positions of both you and your partner (or toy) to see how best to stimulate your P-spot. For beginners who don’t want to jump straight to penetration, simply stimulating your perineum (via rubbing or stroking) is a great introduction to your p-spot. Because the P-spot is towards your stomach, you need to pay close attention to the curvature of your partner or your toy. However, there are prostate-specific toys that are great for beginners since they were designed to take the guesswork out of this type of stimulation. If either of these curves upward, then the best way to hit your P-spot is by facing each other. This means missionary and cowboy (and any variations of these) will be best. On the other hand, if your partner or toy curves downward, you’ll want to try positions where you aren’t facing each other, like reverse cowboy, doggy, and spooning. Of course, any position can feel great, but if you truly want to experience a P-spot climax, finding the right position will help maximize your pleasure.

How can I experience its benefits in the bedroom?

The prostate is a highly sought after area of pleasure because it is surrounded by nerve endings. When you climax while stimulating your P-spot, it will feel relatively similar to having an orgasm just from touching yourself, except that it is way more intense and can be felt throughout the entire body.

Whether you experience pleasure, pain, or unprecedented ecstasy comes down to your pelvic floor angulation, the angle of insertion, what size toy or penis you’re inserting, etc. For some people, the sensations at first may feel like you have to use the bathroom you. With time and experience, you’ll get used to this.

Will it be painful?

If done properly (read below for the first time bottom), meaning with ample dilation, copious amounts of lube, and a patient partner, you shouldn’t experience any pain. However, most people are not aware that the P-spot is very sensitive-in a good way and a bad way. If you pound it too hard or too repetitively, it can get irritated and cause prostatitis. If this happens, you may need a helping hand-literally. Use one or two well-manicured fingers (long nails are a no-no) to massage your prostate from the outside, in, on one side (and the same on the other side). This moves the fluid into the correct place (some call it ‘milking the prostate’), helping release it (and the pressure) when you come. Not only will this hopefully relieve your prostatitis, but it’ll also give you a mind-blowing climax.

Bottoms up!

If you’ve never felt a P-spot climax before, I think it’s time for you to try. The sensation is beyond anything you’ve ever felt before. Before you dive in with a partner, set aside some time for self-experimentation and exploration. There’s less pressure to perform when you’re alone and you’ll be able to find out what feels good (and what doesn’t). Why do you think so many bottoms crave the big D? It’s not only for the act of full penetration, but also P-spot stimulation.

First Time Bottoms | 5 Bottoming for Beginners Tips

Are you a first time bottom? If you’re new to bottoming, you probably have a ton of questions—and worries—about what’s in store. It’s human to worry, but know this: when it’s done properly, bottoming should be a fantastic—and pain-free—experience. Before anyone else gets involved, there are a few steps below you should take on your own to get you set up.

When it’s time to play with someone else—and this is important—find a top you trust. Someone who’s happy to go at your pace. Remember: it’s your butt, so you call the shots, including when the fun is over.

In addition to this guide, you may also want to check out our article about lube, which has more advice you might find useful. For now, let’s get into some tips for becoming a bottom safely and smartly.  

1. Get into training

First, some science: we spend most of our time with our butt muscles clenched. So you need to train them to relax on demand, in order to allow in toys, the ‘real thing’ or anything else you want to put in there (if that’s your goal).

We have three major muscles in our butt—all of them need to be relaxed for complete (and successful) entry.

Next: invest in a kit with three gradual dilators (small, medium, and large plugs). You’ll also need a water-based or toy-safe lube (as silicone lube can ruin silicone toys). Finally: you’re ready for your workout...

2. Your butt workout routine

1. Using your kit—and tons of lube—start some gentle butt play with the small dilator until you feel pressure from the muscles in your butt.

2. Try to consciously relax to accommodate and then slowly remove once you hit resistance—all in one continuous motion.

3. Re-lubricate and insert again with a similar technique of slowly in, meeting resistance, and then slowly pulling out. This shouldn’t be painful at all—most people need to repeat this 4-6 times before complete insertion.

4. Keep this cycle going for 12-15 times for a complete session. If it’s too much, it’s OK to end that session and then try again another day.

5. The more experienced you get, the longer you’ll be able to play comfortably. You’ll notice everything relaxes over time—gradual progression is key.

6. Playing with yourself while doing your workout is a good idea, as it helps you learn to control your pelvic floor. Also attempting real-life scenarios will allow everything that follows to go smoothly.

Repeat this 2-3 times per week. Use the small plug for two weeks, then both the small and medium plugs for the following two weeks. After that, add the large plug, which can take 4-6 weeks to work your way up to. The large is quite large: most people are ready for the real thing once they’ve managed with the medium. Speaking of which... 

3. Next: the real deal

Once you’ve succeeded in using all of your plugs with ease, you’re ready for your first time bottoming with the real thing. Continue using the plugs before or during butt play for the first few times, as well as taking a more dominating role in the beginning.

You’ll want to make sure you have some essential supplies at your fingertips: a handful of your favorite condoms (if you use them), ample amounts of your favorite lube (make sure it’s compatible with your condoms), and a small towel to help clean up. With the rapid adoption of PrEP, condom use has declined; however, using condoms for added protection is still an effective way to reduce the transmission of STD’s. Nowadays, there are plenty of options that are so thin they feel like you aren’t even wearing anything, so pick a couple and find the one that you and your partner like the most.

4. Bottom on top? Best positions for new bottoms

Once dilated and ready to go, I recommend sitting on the “D” and maneuvering until you find the experience comfortable and pleasurable. Take more of a dominating role in the initial stages: make sure you’re in complete control of the speed and depth, until your butt relaxes to its max potential.

This may take time—in one or several sessions—to allow you to truly embrace it all and feel beyond comfortable. Once this occurs, you can start experimenting with other positions, all the while analyzing the best angles for entry and enjoyment. Your top will probably have some pointers too!

5. Keep it up

The best bottoms bottom regularly. You know that feeling when you skip the gym for a couple of weeks and then you try jumping right back in? It doesn’t go well. And it’s the same in the bedroom. You need regular dilation to allow for the full relaxation – not only to enjoy butt play, but to minimize injury. It takes time to get hardwired for complete and full control of your butt muscles.

There is a true art to being a bottom and thinking about it in a step-by-step process is key to its success. We promise you it will become less methodical—and way more fun—as you make progress. This guide will hopefully help get you started, but your own experience will really help inform your approach. Whether you’re a top or bottom or vers, get in contact through The Forum if you have any more specific questions. And good luck!